Yesterday my kindergarteners didn't have class again (que triste!), so I spent the day in the empty classroom coloring pictures of mushrooms and turtles for my teacher. There have definitely been times in the past month (like this one) when I feel like I've reverted back to a kindergartener myself...I must say though, I'm coming back home with impeccable scissoring and coloring skills, so I guess that's a plus..
A little while after I began my day's childish work, one of the teachers brought me a helper: a 5th grader named Armando who had gotten to school early for a meeting he didn't actually have. As we sat and colored like kindergarteners, we ended up having a conversation that made me realize why I don't want to leave. His questions started out with "Where are you from?", "How much longer are you here?", the usual, but then he started to telling me about his own traveling ambitions, and how happy it makes him when he finds someone from outside his own country with whom he can interact. And then he went on, saying thing after thing that I was not expecting to come out of a 5th grader's mouth--from how he wants his mom, who has been struggling with a sick father, to travel the world with him when he grows up, to how he never wants to drink alcohol because he has seen it cause people to lose everything that they love. When I told him that I thought Costa Rica was the prettiest country I'd visited, he agreed, at least as far as the landscape is concerned, but just after that is when he started into the topic of alcoholism, telling me how he thinks that too many people here end up being sad, largely by their own doing. I hate to imagine his little 5th grade eyes unable to find contentment in the views around him, a knowledge of hurt marring his perception of the reality that underlies them.
We didn't talk long enough for me to get a sense of just where his little wisdom was coming from, but it was precious to see how he has such positive desires. When I asked him what he wanted to be, he said first a soccer player (which is not surprising here), and then a teacher of mathematics. His eyes kind of lit up when he said mathematics, so I asked why it interested him so much. "It's because," he said, "the numbers just keep going and going. It's impossible to find an end." Every answer just made me more and more impressed with Armando...and, every answer just made leaving seem more and more sad :(
I've absolutely loved the kindergarteners, and I'm going to hate not seeing their happy (well, sometimes..) little faces every morning, but it's probably talks that I've had with some of the older kids, like Armando, that make me realize how there's so much more I still want to do. I just want to sit and have conversations, one-on-one, with each of them, and then maybe I would be content. Or maybe (probably) that would make me want to stay even longer, but at least I would have the satisfaction of knowing that each of them had a moment of focused attention--a moment to say what they wanted, their wishes illuminated, their worries less of a concern. And I want so badly to know each kid's story, and to see each kid's future, but I'm trying to make myself focus more on the positives of the past month than on the fact that I'm most likely not going to see where they progress, or don't progress, once our separation is restored, and I'm back, at least in geographic terms, to where I started. I'm definitely satisfied, it's just a strange sense of satisfaction. It's like the feeling I used to have when I went through my toast with Nutella for breakfast phase, and each morning I thought to myself , "yumm, that was so good", already anticipating the next morning, when I knew that, again, I would be equally satisfied. It's only hard now because, after tomorrow morning, that same daily satisfaction is not going to come. So, I'm going to have to run from here on out off of that toast that I've already had--off of the knowledge that the past month has been happy and hope-filled, and that the kids are just kids at this point, still playing and having fun and not so worried about the future.
I'm going to hate saying bye to the 6th grade class. I spent a lot of time with them yesterday morning, too. They came to keep me company in the room during both of their morning recesses. (Yes, they have two.) I borrowed someone's camera to take pictures, so I got some group shots, some individuals, and, of course, one of me and Mario. They made him stand on a chair so that he could keep his dignity and look at least somewhat my same height for the picture. I told them all last week (after he came to the door with two drawings/love letters) that relations between overaged and underaged people are illegal in the US, but they didn't seem too concerned..
I also got a couple of their email addresses so I can send the pictures back to the class. One of them is naranja@hotmail.com. That made me laugh.
Also! on a completely different note...we went to this pool/restaurant/soccer field to hang out yesterday afternoon. When we were walking around, one of the older women who got here on Sunday pointed out a little plant called the sensitive plant. It's small and bright green with leaves that look like they're separated into little fingers, and when you touch one, the little fingers clench up. They were so cute. Maybe they knew that and wanted to keep their cuteness in hiding...but I'm glad I got at least a little look..
aaand today...hmmm..
I'm trying to enjoy my last times with the kindergarteners. I wasn't sure they would grasp the fact that I'm leaving. With kids that age, I think it sinks in more after it happens...and even then, since they are so easily amused, I don't know that it seems like a big deal. Today, though, Felipe asked me when it was that I had to leave and then told the other kids that it was coming soon, so it will be interesting to see what happens. Jorge told me excitedly, "If we come to the United States, we will live with you!" Aw. Mom and Dad--if yall adopted Jorge, that would be a dream come true :)
I spent the past little while making cards for each of the kids and my teacher. Now I just have a few more hours with them and then time for goodbyes. I'm going to try not to think about time though because I've found that things tend to lose some of their meaning when I dwell on how fast they're going or how they've come too soon. I only hope that tomorrow all the kids are there...and that they're all in a good mood!
I'm taking more pictures tomorrow, and I took lots in town today. We stick out like sore thumbs here, especially when we put on rain jackets. No locals wear rain jackets. It rains so much that they almost ignore it--but we all put on our jackets when we go out, even when there's no rain and the sky just looks cloudy, just as a just in case. So I'm sure I stuck out today, in the middle of town in my rain jacket, taking pictures of everything, grocery bag of coffee on my arm, sipping my just-bought little box of Dos Pinos brand chocolate milk. But it's ok because I don't feel like that much of a tourist here anymore, even if I don't blend in. Plus I think I deserve my short time with a camera, although I'm actually glad I had a good portion of the month camera free, just with time to soak everything in. So that's all I've got for the blog now...there's probably a finale to come tomorrow..
Buenas Noches!
Pura Vida!
Mucho Gusto!
and every other phrase that I hear too many times a day to count
:)
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